Commitment

Hey guys,

I'm not sure if you guys still read the blog but I'm still going to type it down anyways. For those who read it, please spread it to the rest who probably hasnt. So anyway, here goes:

At the end of November 2008, where we all finished our A levels and IB exams, i thought to myself, 'Finally! We can restart our lives and direct energy into our dreams and make success out of it.' That is of course, with respect to our bboy lives. Unfortunately, for all my optimism and hope, i soon found myself alone in this endeavour while everyone seem to have drifted away and into a different path in their lives. Instead of the past 3-4 times session a week, it was reduced to twice, once and eventually none at all in a week. At that point of time, with the fire and passion still burning in me, i took the initiative to go esplanade, to singapore poly, to smu, etc, to expose myself and break with different people whilst doing my best to encourage you guys to join me. The rest of you would join me occasionally in these places to session with me and the other bboys there. All except for one. Eventually, as National Service calls upon some of us, it was really just left with me and weijie and sessioning as a crew session never looked like it was going to happened anymore. Nevertheless during this period, credits go out to weijie who stuck with me through all my sessions and spending all these time with me to keep my fire burning.

Initially, I failed to understand why you guys would have a change of heart just because of National Service. I mean, if anyone truly has fire and passion for bboying or anything in their lives, nothing would be able to stop them, definitely not National Service. So anyways, during this period, i saw very little potential in our crew making through this stage and i started making different plans for myself. I felt that, for me to satiate my desire to achieve and do well for bboying, i had to move on, just like the rest of you guys did without me. I confided in weijie alot about what i felt about the future ( I hope you guys do realise i always like to think ahead) and i even considered joining a different crew to further this passion and take it up another level.

But before i could take up any concrete action, the nation calls and i soon found myself serving the nation. Initially, it was laborious and demanding to the mind and the body. Each time i bookout, i just wanted to sleep and rest. Sessioning was totally out of the question as i hadnt any time at all. But SG bboy champ came and jonathan and song decided to join and we began to have sessions on saturdays again. During this period, most of us would make an effort to come and session and even support each other in the comp. All except for one.

After that period, weijie and i entered sispec and our sessions ceased to exist. Eventually, the fire of passion in me that used to burn so brightly had died and i no longer saw myself bboying in the future. This was even more so after i entered my PTI course. I realised that i've harmed my body too much and havent really gained much success afterall. i told myself, if there was a time to quit, this would be the right time. My knee is back to normal, no more bruises; all parts of my body had resumed proper functioning without any issue at all. I felt i've wasted too much time on bboying and sacrifice too much of my life and lost many opportunities and friendship because of it. Yet i failed to achieve anything at the end of the day. In any case, i never found it comfortable to tell people im a bboy because i felt that i dont suit that image anymore. Bboying is never a cool thing for me anymore and i dont feel 'hip' and 'happening' to tell people that i'm in the scene breaking it down and shiz like that. I remember Gonza telling me about the importance of dressing fresh and why bboys need to dress fresh which is because they are representing a culture which they believe in and are trying to 'live it up' everyday. Unfortunately, this isnt the kind of life that i want to 'live up'. I cant see myself trying to dress like some hip hop gangsta and roam about with a flashy get up. This is just not me.

So in any case, on top of trying to find 'myself' and a dying passion. I told myself that im going to quit bboying. The most i would go, would be to appreciate the dance and culture. But i shall never be part of it anymore. And this crew, shall remain a memory of me that represents my youth and energy while i continue to grow up and mature into an adult.

However, there was a twist somewhere down this path that i had wanted to take. The one who had been missing all the while, made a comeback, and invited all of us to session again. How interesting, i thought. Despite deciding not to break anymore a few months ago, i've decided to join in the session and see what this SPECIAL ONE has up his sleeves, and more importantly, try to understand why he even left us in the first place. Unfortunately i found nothing out except for the fact that he suddenly felt bored and started breaking again. Oh, how convenient eh. And the rest of us turned up (:

But if you guys had noticed, i wasnt much into it at first and only joined in the session once a while when i felt like it. The main reason behind that would actually be that i was trying to remain active and burn calories so as to keep fit for my upcoming PTI tests. And not because i reignited my passion for breaking. So anyways, after i posted out, i had more free time and started sessioning more regularly with you guys again and started talking to song. And we began talking about a future again and somehow or another, i started thinking that i DO have a future for bboying. So what did i do? I did what i used to do for the crew.

I made ALL my saturdays available and told every other friend that im not free on saturday coz i need to session.

So whats the problem with that?

The problem is, i seemed to be the only dumb asshole that skips all other appointments and class gathering to go for sessions and make it the BIGGEST PRIORITY in my life. And guess what? i just realised yesterday that i haven't learned from my lesson at all. I had too much faith and confidence that you guys have 'returned' and are burning with passion to break again. At the end of the day, i guess i was being too idealistic and ought to have realised that bboying IS just for fun and a means to 'da fa shi jian' ( Waste time on) for you guys. It was never going to be something serious and something that you guys hope to achieve something from.

Well you know what? To me, bboying IS not going to be something im going to WASTE my time on. If i'm not going to achieve something then i'm not going to bother risking an injury for it. I need to realise that I'm getting older each day ( 20 this year) and this comes with greater responsibilities and i have to be more realistic in what i invest my time in. And this applies to the rest of us as well. Its not fun to me to get injured at all and achieve nothing at the end. Because this is what a 'loser' is about. No achievement to name, a body full of injuries, a dream broken, hopes dashed and TIME WASTED. No thanks man. That is not what i have in my mind. i rather spend this year learning computer programming, real estate and stocks than getting injured and achieving nothing.

So here's the question:
1.Are you guys in this to 'da fa shi jian'?

If so, please stop inviting me to sessions, i dont want to waste my time on it.

2.Are you guys in this for fellowship? for the old times we had?

If so, i'm cool with it. i mean, i started going for sessions again coz i missed you guys and want to spend time with you all. if you guys remembered, i even went rp for jaime's birthday but didnt break coz i didnt feel like it. But seriously, im cool with hanging out and chilling. but lets do something else other than breaking. such as eating a nice meal or playing lan.

3.Are you guys in it for real? Do you all want to achieve something as well?

If so, we can have a nice chat on the direction that we want to head to and start taking sessions seriously from there. We don't really have much time left and i hope you guys think carefully and let me know by Feb 15.

And most importantly, if you guys are in it for real. i really want to see one thing from you guys. One that i've always given to you guys and the crew when i'm in this for real. One that you will understand after reading and deciding to take up the 3rd path.

Thank you,
Xinfu