To not lose sight

Afternoon, it is me, YH. Its only last week we met, but it was ages since this site was updated.

The year 2009 was a testing year, even more testing for us than 2008. We saw that coming very long ago. Ever since this crew is formed, the question of distance never failed to bother me, or us. That was the time KYSC had only 4, when we are classrooms apart, merely levels apart. A 105DB “cluck” sound from my class could easily had caught your attention.

As months fly, we are then separated by schools. With addition of Dwayne (and his annihilation), we start to have a taste of a bigger physical separation from each other. With the addition of JT, we found out what it was like to break with someone from a different school. But that was not anything like what we are going to expect.

NS was the ultimate bomb, the one which took out all our time. Suddenly with new circles of friends and being separated for 5 to 6 days a week, it is so hard to meet up, let alone make time for bboying. Our schedule was packed to the max, and I had little idea, then, how am I supposed to continue bboying. What’s better: those 5 days include 12km SAR runs, getting harassed by the chief clerk, getting occupied by girlfriend, staying up till 4am in the morning, reducing 2.4 timings from 10.20 to the eventual 8.45. Weekends could not be worse when you are doing duty, falling sick, getting burnt by lessons, getting burnt by assignments, attachments, and antibiotics.

This period of time had been the most trying time which I had encountered. I think you NS dudes feel the same. I was concerned about the future of the crew, giving me sleepless nights, lonely evenings, and thousands of words in my journal. I had little idea on how we are supposed to progress, because during that time, a certain point mid-year, was when I felt things had hit rock bottom. I felt that I had lost so many great friends, I felt that I had not done enough to prevent such predicament from taking place, things look like they are just going to get worse. It may be conceivable, at that time, that we stop breaking, but it was extremely difficult to accept that I may just lose my closest friends if that were to continue. I prayed hard, that we will never ever dissolve.

3 years ago, things were different, we felt that we could achieve. We trained hard, and we fought hard. I could never forget the time I was there to witness ACS(I) win the 2nd place in inter-school floorskillz. It was hopeful, and it was a time when we had a common aim, and somehow believed that we could do it. It was a time when we are willing to session. It was the time when I was excited to break as my new move set kept on growing and growing. That was 3 years ago, when we had this goal to achieve, when it was great fun, and easy to get started. The times when we battled and bboyed was filled with cheers and disbelief that each other pulled something virtually impossible off.

This post is not a reminiscence of how good the old times were. Why should we turn the pages and look at the past? This is 3 years later. We are no longer so innocent. We, perhaps, did become more jaded after being well-tested by NS and our commitments. We, perhaps, found a chance to really evaluate that aim of qualifying for BOTY. We, surely, knew much better, how difficult, really, it is to achieve something that big. We, without a flicker of doubt, are finally tested.

But what I have to say is this: we should not let these things bring us down. These are external factors which have to be here in our lives. We cannot somehow chao geng and escape stuff like NS. Why should we give it a chance to burn our spirits? Why were we so motivated in the past? It was because we believed that we can do it, that surely, we could make it. And it was right, in all rationality, it was possible, and is still possible. We improved at a blistering pace if we trained properly. We surpassed our own expectations if we put in the effort. Then why, suddenly, did we stop?

Could it be, that we simply, lack the time to bboy? Could it be, that we suddenly have girlfriends to take care of? Or could it be, that we are too tired to break? Or would we ponder on this: if someone here were to tell you that you would be a champion tomorrow, if you were to train, surely, you would train. But if you were not to believe what he said, it would have really much harder. Aside the external circumstances which surely did make life tougher, is that flame in you dying, the moment you stop believing? If you were so inspired by the videos that you could one day pull something off like they do, why would you suddenly stop?

3 years ago was a time when we felt that we could qualify for BOTY, or whatever ultimate goal we set for ourselves. It is much because that we believed in it. It was something that drove us, the vision of us doing new moves, accomplishing things we once thought was impossible for us, winning thunderous roars from the audience, pwning your opponent. Right now, 3 years later is a time when we look at the mirror and ask ourselves: do we now believe? You may be daunted by the impossibility of this mission, you may just have lost hope in yourself. But do you believe that these things will come to pass if you put your heart into it? Or are we going to let time, and other factors weigh us down and extinguish that flame forever?

It is not a matter of living in the past. I wanted to say that we should never give up hope unless it is truly impossible. We have five years ahead of us, from today onwards. And five years is a lot, I mean a freaking lot of time. Let us not take time for granted, but take it as a God-given blessing for us to achieve something for Him, or for anything for that matter. Bboying through these tough times is a chance for me to prove to myself that I can survive even if times are unforgiving. Bboying is something that gave me an aim, and something which made me feel proud. Proud, not stemming from the fact that I can do stuff billions of people cannot, but from the fact that I had challenged myself and fulfilled my goals, and proved to myself that I am capable of achieving something really hard. These 2 things: belief and pride, ultimately is not something that comes from external influence. Do not let your pride be fuelled by flatter, for that will make you arrogant and insecure. Do not let your belief be shaken by talk and time, for that will make us flicker-minded, aimless and rootless. Let us not let praise be the driving factor of our passion. I feel that pride is the value you put into your work, and the content you find in the results. Belief is the commitment you put in something else which you have or have no control over. It is independent of all other people’s beliefs (that’s very important to know that). You could stand alone in your belief even if no one shares your views.

We do not live by bread alone. We need more than that. I cannot imagine living the life of extremely boring routine, doing the same thing over and over and over again. I cannot find an aim, a purpose in doing any of those things. Why do I talk about pride and belief? It is because it is the driving force behind so many things we put our heart and soul in. Remember when we truly believed that we could achieve something great? That was a time when we felt that it was possible; it is when we really believed we can do it. Let us not forget how we felt. Remember how you feel, and should a situation when your belief was tested again, do not go down the normal path of giving up, do not let your vision and your dreams be shrouded, striken, or sold. When the time comes when you cannot get a move even if you tried very hard, do not be downcast. Remember that you had really been fast in your improvement, and bring yourself to hit the next beat even if you did not want to. When you are defeated by your rival, remember your goal and remember how you believed that you could do it, and bring yourself to train that little bit harder. I am not talking about living in denial, but I am saying that we should not step to the wrong side of the fine line between being realistic, and learning from experience. It is not about living in the past, it is not about being not being extremely stubborn about your abilities. I am not exploring an option of being unreceptive towards others' and things which happen to you, but holding on tight to your belief and goal is about staying rooted, focused, and not let yourself get wavered easily by circumstances. Too many times, we have seen people who are discouraged and who later easily let go of the dreams and vision they once had the moment they are challenged. Too many times had we seen potential winner and achievers get their talents washed down the drain, never to get them back again.

I wrote this post so that at the end of it, that you, reading the post, would not let your belief die, would not lose pride in your life, and would one day stand up for whatever you believed in. I am not asking you to qualify for BOTY, for you have different goals than I, or we, once had. I really hope that after reading this that we, every single one of us, a year later, and for many years to come, could look at the mirror, and be proud of our decisions in life concerning our goals and expectations of ourselves. I want to be answerable to all around me, including myself, for the decisions I make in my life, for the pride I held in believing in myself and KYSC. What would you do? Would you look at the photo of yourself doing nutcrackers, and live in pride of what you could do, and your former glory? Are you going to let your dream be daunted by external factors, before you could really believe that you could not achieve it? Would you continue to do the things you love, and not let small talk bring down your passion?

We do not live by bread alone. If we had, it would just be existence. It takes time for a seed to bear fruit, let us not chop it down even before it gets pollinated. It is to have a dream that makes you driven, to take pride in something which makes you a little more human.